The End of my First Date with a Footballer

By: Amy Whalen Deger

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The End of my First Date with a Footballer

What brought you to Vine and 12th tonight Ms. Donnell?

Well Detective, I was out on a date, a first date actually with the man who was hit by the biker

And his name is…?

Oh its, um to be honest he said it really fast and I’m not sure exactly.

You went out on a date with a man and you didn’t know his name?

I know his first name started with a vowel, but to answer your question, no I didn’t know it.

 How did you two meet?

I was walking across the square on my lunch break and I saw him putting his shirt back on-

Why was his shirt off at lunchtime on the square?

What? Oh I don’t know I didn’t ask but he had this great tattoo that ran down his rib cage so I smiled at him.  He walked up and he had this sexy accent and he asked me to dinner so I said yes.

When was this?

Two days ago.

Let’s get to the events of this evening. 

Well, we got to the restaurant at about 7:30-

Did he pick you up or did you meet there?

Obviously I didn’t give him my address, he was basically a stranger.  We met there.  And actually something strange did happen on the way into the restaurant.

Can you elaborate?

I tripped a little on some uneven pavement and I almost fell.  He threw his hands up the air and looked around really nervous and said he didn’t trip me.

And what did you do?

Laughed it off, it was a weird joke but I’m weird sometimes too.

Uh huh, so now you’re in the restaurant?

Yes we are in the restaurant and I ordered a Cosmopolitan.  He had a beer.  We talked for a few minutes.  He ordered a steak and a salad so I ordered a salad with grilled chicken on top and I asked for a water.  I hate when they don’t bring out water.

Ma’am could you skip to the next relevant thing that happened?

Sure, we were leaving the restaurant and I bumped into him when we both tried to go through the door to leave.  I barely touched him but he fell to the ground holding his shin.

Did he say anything at this time?

Yes, but I’m not sure what it was.  He was talking really fast and I think it was another language.

And then?

I helped him up and he seemed perfectly fine.  I asked if he was okay and he nodded so we left.

This is when you began walking East on 12th Street? 

Yes, we were going to go to this little bar and have another drink.  Everything seemed normal and we made it to the bar okay.  Can I skip ahead again, it was awhile later before the incident on the street.

Be my guest

He was walking me back to my apartment-

You didn’t give him your address because he was a stranger but now you don’t know his name but he’s walking you home?

I had a plan, my roommate was there.  I texted her to make sure she introduced herself and figured out his name.

Foolproof, continue.

I’m not loving the attitude right now, but fine.  We were almost to the steps of my building and I was about to ask him to come up and have a coffee when he leaned in and kissed me.  It was a good one too.  One of those right down your spine you can feel it all the way in your toes kind of kiss.

Spare me the details

The kiss ended and he just went nuts.  Running up and down the street and hugging people.  He kept pointing up at the sky and he took a step to the left.  The kid on the bike just ran right into him.  As he fell he kind of hit his head on the curb.  Someone called an ambulance and now here we are.

So, to sum up, on your first date with this man that you didn’t know the name of, who had his shirt off the first time you met, who had faked an initial injury, was then actually injured while celebrating your first kiss?

Well, when you say it like that it sounds a little ridiculous.

That it does, that will be all.  You can go.

Would you give him my phone number when he wakes up?  I haven’t had a chance to give it to him.

You can leave it with the hospital staff if you’d like but I’ve been told that there is a second gentleman waiting outside for you.

Really?  Where did he come from?

I don’t have the faintest idea but he looks like a relatively young guy

Did you happen to catch his name?

It’s Jan something or other.

That sounds German, I bet he has an accent!

I’m going to have to insist that you go now.


Follow Amy on twitter @AmyseaMAMMALn


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